from an email reply to my travelogue http://www.thaicountrylife.com :
"Sounds like a great time ****. It is weird that I have purple hair and no life. Usually those are things people do when they have everything else in place, then dye your hair purple …not the other way around. No job, no clue, no friends, no mate, no future….but hey, I have purple hair."
so easy for one who has one (sorta) to say. i hate it when people do that.
but i absolutely grokk what you are saying. i attribute some of it to getting older. to many installed patterns, to much experience. we know what we like, know what we don't like, and can "pre-think" something else, base on our established patterns of like/dislike. and thus decide not to bother, cause we already decided we won't like it, or maybe we would, but who cares? as we're older, we have a lot more "bin dere, done dat"s. the young people seem to have all the fire, the angst, the passion- cause they don't know any better, or any worse. i've tasted every jam and jelly on the shelves and out of the 50 or so flavors and variations, i like smuckers low-sugar raspberry and appricot. i have branced out to low-sugar strawberry last year. that's what i like, that's what i know, so i don't even think of looking at anything else. expand that to hundreds of patterns and tastes life has to offer, and it's a very narrowed down life. in it's regularity and sameness, there is a comfort, but at the same time there's a sense of nothingness. of non-life.
and then, because i had all this money in the bank, and only two weeks vacation,i got on a plane and went to india for a week, and thailand for three days. BAM! all that sameness, all that comfort, all that regularity was pushed aside. it had a large dent in it now. holes and cracks that let out the forces within, shone new light. of course, i fell right back into the groove when i returned to america, to seattle, to capitol hill, but the cat was out of the bag, the worm had turned, the pot had boiled over, the fire had been lit. eighty percent of life is "just show up". i showed up in india and thailand, and it changed the other twenty percent.
As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.
i also seek to be transformed. not into a gigantic insect, but in to a transformed man. but how? it is something i've been stuck on for some years now. how would this "gotten life" be any different from the life i have now? do i need to erase the patterns of experience, delete the a posteriori knowledge i have and replace it with what? more a posteriori knowledge. same same, but different? or is such a quest fullfilled by "a priori" knowledge i don't have yet? or do i?
tell you later. i have to take a shower now, we have to goto town. there's no food in the house.
cares,
nu
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